The Cast

The Host
Winnowill Birthplace: Blue Mountain Occupation: Psycho Diva "I've tried murdering them in Canon-Quest, I've tried murdering them in the Alternaverse. And what has it gotten me? In Canonverse I'm stuck waging predictable wars that only get more futile and derivative each time. And in the Alt'verse I'm this disembodied goody-goody who hasn't had a meaty story role since The Ballad of Two-Edge! So my new strategy is put the best of both tribes together on the same island, and let them do the work for me. Sole Survivor? I'll be surprised if this game has any survivors!"

The Tribes
Original Recipe	Loose Canons

Cutter Birthplace: Father Tree Occupation: Jackass Chief Luxury Item: "My Father's Sword!" "No one's taking New Moon away from me this time. I may have settled for being a Jurymember last time, but now I'm shooting for the big prize! I know I have a great team behind me. And I know the other tribe is going down!"	Swift Birthplace: Father Tree Occupation: Living Breathing Revenge Fantasy Luxury Item: "My Mother's Sword!" "I will be be the Sole Survivor. With my tribe behind me, how can I lose? Plus... have you seen who's writing this thing? As for monkey-boy over there, he'd better watch his back!"
Skywise Birthplace: Father Tree Occupation: Charming Rake Luxury Item: The Lodestone "Well, I made it to third place last time, and this time I'm not about to get suckered by Ember's little innocent act. I'm pumped, I'm ready to play, and nothing is going to get in my way - whoa! Who is that sexy little pirate wench on the other tribe?"	Savin Birthplace: Green Moon Bay Occupation: Sexy Pirate Wench Luxury Item: Flint and Steel "Oh... this is going to be good..."
Ember Birthplace: Sorrow's End Occupation: Newbie Chief and Survivor:ElfQuest Winner Luxury Item: Teddy Bear from Teir "Here we go again. Can you catch lightning in a bottle twice? We'll see."	Gypsy Moth Birthplace: Great Holt Occupation: Feral Teenager Luxury Item: SPF 80 Sunscreen "I know I'm a bit of a new character here, but I'm ready to play, and I'm gunning to win. With Mom and her crew behind me, I know we'll give those canon-rats a run for their money. Sole Survivor... well, let's just say that Gypsy always gets what Gypsy wants...
Strongbow Birthplace: Father Tree Occupation: Taciturn Wet Blanket Luxury Item: Chicken Soup for the Archer's Soul Well, I still can't believe I let Moonshade sign me up for this, but I noticed we did have a shocking lack of competent players last season, so my presence can only help the tribe.	Cheipar Birthplace: Great Holt Occupation: Taciturn Hottie Luxury Item: A Notebook to Hold All His Thoughts (blinks, looks at camera, a little bewildered, a little offended) "What?"
Nightfall Birthplace: Father Tree Occupation: Polygamous Huntress Luxury Item: Replacement Bandanas "The Way teaches us many things... but I don't think it ever took into account a Survivor like this. Well, I'm ready for whatever I face - the smaller truth within the larger, live in the Now... you know how it is. I'm really interested in meeting the new tribe."	Weatherbird Birthplace: Great Holt Occupation: Quirky Über-Mystic Luxury Item: Goose-down Pillow "Sole Survivor... hmm? It's a challenge, I'll admit. My strategy? Well... I'm not telling you that. How rude! You're very rude, you know, asking these personal questions. Cheipar! Are they bothering you with all these rude questions?"
Scouter Birthplace: Father Tree Occupation: Professional Malcontent Luxury Item: Murderous Disposition "I'm back, and I've learned a lot of lessons since the last Survivor. Rayek always said I needed to be more of an outright villain if I wanted to win the game. I hesitated to give my tribemates both barrels, but these Alternaverse elves... they're going down."	Coppersky Birthplace: Sorrow's End Occupation: Gayest of Blades Luxury Item: 2-in-1 Shampoo and Conditioner "Never actually shot fish in a barrel before, but I've always wanted to try it. What? Scouter's on the other tribe? (Grins) Oh, thank you, Satan! Thank you!"
Tyleet Birthplace: Thorny Mountain Occupation: Deferential Goody-Goody Luxury Item: Family photo album "Well, I'm back. I'm a little tougher, this time around, a little more world-wise, and I think this time I'm going to stay around a little longer. Sole Survivor? Oh, I don't know about that. I just want my baby to be proud of me."	Spar Birthplace: Thorny Mountain Occupation: Bisexual Daredevil Luxury Item: Family photo album "Oh, I am really looking forward to meeting the other tribe. My strategy? Head down, eyes shielded, no unnecessary thinking to get in the way, and full speed ahead!"
Kahvi Birthplace: Snow Country Occupation: Morally Ambiguous Chieftess Luxury Item: Rawhide Chews for Sparkling White Teeth "You cut me out of the last one just because I wasn't in the Shards War, huh? Well, Kahvi's back, and I'm taking this to the next level. Let's what those featherweights from the Alternaverse can dish out, huh? Sole Survivor, baby! That's me!"	Littlefire Birthplace: Great Holt Occupation: Autistic Dynamo Luxury Item: Stress-Reliever Ball (Nervous laugh) "Can't believe I'm here.... Um, um, yep, so I'm going to do this - going to run for Sole Survivor - thank High Ones my lifemate and my brother are here - w-wait, w-w-what do you mean Strongbow and Grandma Kahvi are on the other tribe?"
Crescent Birthplace: Father Tree Occupation: Popular Ghost Luxury Item: Ouja Board "Yay! First living-impaired Survivor contestant! I know I have a big handicap against me, but I'm ready to prove that you don't have to have a heartbeat - or a body, for that matter - to win a reality show. I hope I can be a role model for all spirits and mortal elves."	Kit Birthplace: Thorny Mountain Occupation: Professionally Misunderstood Poet Luxury Item: Anthology of World Folklore "If you look at pop culture today, you see a shocking lack of intellectual role models, and I plan to change that. 'What are you going to do with you Comparative Literature degree, Kit? What good is that in the real world, Kit?' It's high time the brains won out over the brawn."
Picknose Birthplace: Greymung's Troll Caverns Occupation: Obnoxious Quasi-Villain Luxury Item: Mondo Sunhat "Troll Power! I will be the Sole Survivor. I have ruled over my own kingdom for ten millennia. I founded my own empire. Slugscat, I survived having Maggotty as my mother-in-law. I think I can handle a namby-pamby reality show."	Brightmetal Birthplace: Great Holt Occupation: Perky Beefcake Luxury Item: Chicken Soup for the Troll's Soul "I know I'm only here because they needed a token troll on the show, but you know, I'm really hoping everyone will keep thinking of me like that, because I've watched enough of these reality shows to know the best players always glide under the radar."

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Elfquest art (left column)copyright 2005 Warp Graphics, Inc. Alternaverse art (right column) copyright Erin Roberts. Elfquest, its logos, characters, situations, all related indicia, and their distinctive likenesses are trademarks of Warp Graphics, Inc. All rights reserved. Alternaverse characters and insanity copyright 2005 Jane Senese and Erin Roberts. Elfquest art copyright 2005 Warp Graphics, Inc. Alternaverse art copyright 2005 Erin Roberts. Survivor, its logos, situations, distinctive phrases etc are sooo a trademark of Mark Burnett, CBS, and probably several others too. All rights reserved. This is just a spoof. This is just a spoof.