“And the winner of Survivor: Alternaverse is...
“CHEIPAR!”

Winnowill turns around the last slip of paper, revealing the final vote. All the Alternaverse elves let out whoops of joy. Crescent grins and hugs Cheipar. Tyleet sniffles and wipes at her tears. Strongbow smiles grudgingly. Coppersky rolls his eyes. Cheipar stares out into space, stunned.

“Well say something, Cheipar,” Weatherbird prompts.

“Holy crap!” Cheipar blurts out.

Weatherbird laughs and rushes forward to embrace him. The Jury members all clap, with the notable exception of Coppersky. Strongbow catches up Crescent in his arms and embraces her. Winnowill brandishes the check for two million dollars and writes Cheipar’s name down on it.

Suddenly the flood gates open. All the former members of the game pour out onto the stage. Swift rushes over to give Cheipar a big hug. Spar ambushes Tyleet and kisses her full on the mouth. Skywise sets up a boom box to play hits from the eighties at high volume. Cutter battles his way through the crowd to congratulate Crescent. Picknose and Kahvi stand sulking over by Coppersky.

Picknose: Drukkin’ posers.
Coppersky: Wanna get a drink?
Kahvi: Make mine a double.
Now all the supporting characters of the both ‘verses are arriving in droves. Skywise’s eyes fill with tears as he catches sight of his alt-parents, then does a double-take when he sees his alt-self. The two Skots look each over appraisingly. Everyone gets drunk in record time. Savin walks up to a Rayek standing off by himself, uncomfortable with all the festivities.

“Are you alt Rayek or canon-Rayek?”

“Canon,” Rayek replies.

Savin kisses him full on the lips, leaving him reeling. “Always wanted to try that without getting killed by Swift,” she explain to the flummoxed Rayek.

Winnowill:(shouting over the music) Hey! Get your hands off my boy-toy!
Canon-Rayek: (bemused)Who’s Swift?
THE RESULTS

LITTLEFIRE
I told you I’d vote for Cheipar. And that’s what I’m doing. He’s my brother and I love him and I want him to win.
  

 

NIGHTFALL
I’m going with my gut. I can’t say we don’t have our differences, Crescent. But I think you deserve this more than Cheipar. You played the game very carefully. You counselled everyone not to get ahead of themselves. But I think you were one step ahead of us right from the start.
 

STRONGBOW
Crescent. You are my daughter and you have played this game exceptionally well. Were you another elf’s daughter, I would envy him, and I would still vote for you. Were you from the other universe... harder to say. But I would probably still vote for you. My only regret is that I did not always work hard enough to earn your trust. I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of you.


SAVIN
You know, Cheipar, I actually believed for quite a while that you were just sort of... going with the flow the way you always do. But looking back I can see you playing this game from the beginning, and you were outplaying everyone else. So this vote is for you.
 



WEATHERBIRD
I had to think about this a lot. I wanted to be fair. I really did. And I know a lot people are going to say I just voted for my lifemate. But I think it’s more than that. Or maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s only because I know you well that I know you deserve this more. Ah... I don’t know anymore. Whatever. This vote’s for you, Cheipar.



TYLEET
I’m sorry, Crescent. I wish I could vote for you. But I can’t. Cheipar may have never spared me a glance, but he never broke his word. You did. And I would rather reward honesty. I wish it could have been different. I can’t say I really care for Cheipar – he seems... so distant. But I think he handled himself better in this game. So I’m going to vote for Cheipar.


COPPERSKY:
You know, Cres... you backstabbed and you manipulated... you plotted behind everyone’s backs and you turned your own father into a tool. I admire that a lot. Cheipar... you’re a good egg. Too good for this game. And I give you props for turning Spar into me. But I don’t think you wanted this game as badly as Crescent. And I’m giving her my vote.
 

Where are they in the Now?
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Elfquest art copyright 2005 Warp Graphics, Inc.  Alternaverse art copyright 2005 Erin Roberts. Elfquest, its logos, characters, situations, all related indicia, and their distinctive likenesses are trademarks of Warp Graphics, Inc. All rights reserved. Alternaverse characters and insanity copyright 2003 Jane Senese and Erin Roberts. Survivor, its logos, situations, distinctive phrases etc is sooo a trademark of Mark Burnett, CBS, and probably several others too. All rights reserved. This is just a spoof. This is just a spoof.